Thursday, September 22, 2011

Letting Go

I've been thinking a lot today about all the blessings in my life.  I had a good hour of such sweet fellowship with my David this morning during/after our morning Bible study time.  I have such an immense amount of adoration and respect for him- I feel overwhelmed when I think about just how big of a blessing he is to me.  In a way, he is the proof to my heart that God loves me.

I've been thinking a lot about how the blessing of having a good husband is not something that I feel I gave myself.  I truly feel like God brought us to each other, and then worked a miracle. Then I think about all my desire and aspiration toward parenthood, and it's like starting back at square one of my trust in God.  This is one thing that is impossible for me to control- we are open to accepting whatever God brings us (under the age of three), with no preference set even on the gender. I can't do anything to make it happen faster or slower.  I have to just keep working through the system and the training, and then it comes to a point where it's all on God.

I find myself getting anxious, and worrying that the blessing God is bringing won't be good. Or even worse, that He isn't bringing one at all.  And then I think about how much He has been faithful to me thus far, and the thought comes: the question isn't "How can I trust Him?", but "How could I not?"

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