Wednesday, July 26, 2006

My Poem

Hey guys,

I decided to write a poem today about how I was feeling, and some of the things that I've been thinking about. It might or might not make any sense, but I guess that's just poetry isn't it?

"I'm angry" said the little one.
"You're not." the big one replied.
And so it goes, forever and on
Til conversation dies.

The little and big
Both deny one another
Feelings, thoughts, care, and consideration
Until one of them gives in and gives up
And is extinguished forever.
The two can't exist side by side in harmony
Because, you see,
They are opposites.
One is black and the other is white.
One is good and one is bad.
In Fact, one was created by the other,
A fashioned hit-man with sadistic twists
To provide torment and silence
to Pretend death until it is real.

"Let's play a game!
It's called I forget.
What, you forgot already?
I'll show you how to play.
You just forget I'm here,
and then when you aren't expecting it,
I'll 'get you too. Oops, where'd it go?
You don't know where it is
what it is
who it is
because it's me
and I'm really really good at this.
I'm the one who came up with this idea.
Actually you started it, but I beat you at it.
You wanted to make me quiet.
You told me not to tell.
"Stop crying- it won't do any good."
I was hurt and you wouldn't listen
I was angry and you wouldn't listen.
So I held my breath
Ifaded and thinned into a mist
and passing shadow.
Now you can't see me at all.

So now I will get you back-
I'll mess you up
and you'll never know who did it
you thought I was gone,
but you just can't see me.
You don't know where I am
so now I can win.
I'll show you
I'll show you what it's like
what it's like to hurt
what it's like to be shut out
what it's like to feel confused and rejected
and you won't know what's going on.

You saw me for a minute the other day
I thought maybe we could play
We can be friends!
I'll be really good
If only you will like me and stop
ignoring me
not seeing me
silencing me
pushing me down
locking me up
caging me in.
I'll be good if you just let me live
I want you to know me
I want to feel
I want to help you.

But it's painful to see you.
I've done wrong to you.
They've done wrong to you,
And now I'm like them
I have to follow orders
I have to squash you
That's what they told me to do
If you want them to love you
You have to let me
Or else

They won't ever see you
They can only see themselves.
If you aren't like them
They won't ever love you.
If you want to be like them,
then you have to die
And let me be them.

i just want to live

And so it will go, forever and on
Until each of them gives
The other a chance to bask in glory
Working together to weave a new story
The little one teaching the big,
The big one listening and giving protection
So then they both can live.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Back to School, Back to school, To Show my dad that I'm no Fool!

In case anybody didn't recognize it, the title is a quote from Billy Madison. I love that movie....

Well, folks, it's back to school for me! I guess I got tired of staying and being babysat by my cats, because the spirit moved to go to a nearby college, chat with a couple of people that work there, and then give them money. So, now I am going back to school. Probably for the rest of my able-bodied years. Hopefully at some point I will become a teacher instead of a student.

Trinket has been on her diet for about a week now. A week and a half ago, David and I went out of town for his brother's wedding. They got married, everyone was happy, tra la la. We got home, I swung the door open, and we were greeted first by a laborous, deep throated meow, followed a couple minutes later by the most rotund thing called a trinket that I have ever seen. Her gelationous, enormous body rolled along in a different time zone than her head. She was winded by the time she got to the door. She managed to leap up onto to couch next to me after I sat down, but the effort was almost too much. She sprawled out next to me and started laboriously snoring. When David started referring to her as "Chub chubs", and I knew exactly who he was talking about without any further clarification, I decided it was time to downsize the Trinket's meal plans. There is no longer a limitless food supply always available to them. Gizmo has not been shy about clearly expressing her disgust and outrage for being punished for Trinket's overindulgence.

Trinket also has had a hard time with not always having a snack on hand. For once, she actually has to get off her lazy duff and do something to amuse herself rather than just grabbing a tasty treat. I told David that I thought Trinket was becoming an emotional eater. He laughed and Trinket looked up and to the side in indignation. Then she rolled off the couch. I guess gravity just gets the best of her sometimes.