Rutabagas

When I was little, my dad and slightly older sister used to play a game. One would start:
"You're driving me nuts!"
Then the other would respond, "You're driving me ________________ (name of vegetable/fruit/legume/etc)!"
And it could go on a loooooong tiiiiime. "You're driving me coconuts!" "You're driving me turnips!" "You're driving me cashews!"

The penultimate response, though, which my dad always graciously left to my sister, was "You're driving me RUTABAGAS!"

My dad thought it was hilarious. C was only two or so the first time she responded with this, and it was their special game forever after. Or at least it was for a while, then graduated into the category of "cute family baby story that gets told over and over ad nauseum". But my dad never stopped finding it funny.

I have never tried a rutabaga before. I always assumed they were mythical vegetables that were the quintessential "for display only" items in the supermarket whenever anyone did find some. It never occurred to me that anyone would actually consider eating them, much less enjoy doing so.

My views have changed.

I bought a nice, big, beautiful rutabaga for the first time on Wednesday.  I have been stalking rutabaga recipes on pinterest for the last week, determined to try making them in something, and even more determined to actually like them when I did so.

My first, ill-fated attempt on Wednesday was to put them in a (very expensive) lamb roast. In the crockpot. I assumed it would smell and taste delicious. I have always liked lamb very much when I have ordered it in restaurants, as well as the handful of times that my wonderful hubs has grilled it here at home. I have found that there is a way to prepare it that I do not like. And that is to roast it in a crockpot. So that the whole house will be permeated with the stink of boiling lamb. I did my best to just eat it anyway, but it was just too much. It made me feel like gagging. And don't even ask about the rutabaga in there with it. I think it might not have been as disgusting if I hadn't absolutely decked it out ornament-on-a-Christmas-tree style in fresh rosemary. The rosemary in double portion does not equal double good.

So, I burned several candles, strained the broth out, set the vegetables aside for David to eat later (he thought they were okay, and more power to him), and then rinsed the stewed lamb of all the last vestiges of its rosemary decorations and put it in the fridge to try and revamp later. Last night I resurrected it in the form of a Persian stew over rice with turmeric, garlic, and curry, and it wasn't too bad. All the crockpot action, though, had me craving a real roast, and my determination over the rutabagas was begging me to try them again in a recipe that I already knew we loved.

So, tonight I tried again. We dug a beef roast out of the freezer from our store of beef from David's PawPaw. PawPaw is a real gem- every year he buys three or four calves, turns them out to pasture for a year, and then butchers them and divides the meat amongst his children and grandchildren. So, each year we get about 50-60 pounds of beautiful, organic, delicious beef cuts (ground meat, sirloin steaks, ribeye steaks, roasts, etc.)

After it defrosted overnight last night I dressed it up with some beef boullion, garlic, and salt and stuck it in the crockpot this morning. After taking David to work, I went by the store and bought about 4 pounds of baby carrots and two medium rutabagas. I was tempted by the leeks, but they did me wrong in the lamb roast two days prior, and I haven't forgiven them yet. Anyway, I brought home my root vegetables, cut them up, and added them to the pot.

After about 7 hours in the pot, it was finally time to give them a second go for a taste test. And they were DELICIOUS! I was impressed at how succulent they were, and how well they absorbed the flavor of the roast. They have a texture very similar to a potato, but don't have the same amount of starch and carbs as potatoes. I think I am hooked. Oh, and David loved them too.

Things to Say When Your Friend Says They are Adopting:

1) Congratulations!
2) Oh WOW! How exciting!
3) You'll be wonderful parents- what a lucky child!
4) Tell me more about it!
5) That's great- I can't wait to meet them!

Things NOT to say to your friend when they say they are adopting (not that you aren't well-meaning...):
1) I'll still be praying for you to have your own.
2) Maybe this will take the pressure off and then you can finally get pregnant!
3) WHY?!?
4) Oh, well... at least you can still have a family this way...
5) Have you talked to _(insert name of family with horrific adoption experience here)_ ? You might want to before you make up your mind.

Letting Go

I've been thinking a lot today about all the blessings in my life.  I had a good hour of such sweet fellowship with my David this morning during/after our morning Bible study time.  I have such an immense amount of adoration and respect for him- I feel overwhelmed when I think about just how big of a blessing he is to me.  In a way, he is the proof to my heart that God loves me.

I've been thinking a lot about how the blessing of having a good husband is not something that I feel I gave myself.  I truly feel like God brought us to each other, and then worked a miracle. Then I think about all my desire and aspiration toward parenthood, and it's like starting back at square one of my trust in God.  This is one thing that is impossible for me to control- we are open to accepting whatever God brings us (under the age of three), with no preference set even on the gender. I can't do anything to make it happen faster or slower.  I have to just keep working through the system and the training, and then it comes to a point where it's all on God.

I find myself getting anxious, and worrying that the blessing God is bringing won't be good. Or even worse, that He isn't bringing one at all.  And then I think about how much He has been faithful to me thus far, and the thought comes: the question isn't "How can I trust Him?", but "How could I not?"

Good Books

Lately, Wonderful David and I have been reading together before we go to sleep at night.  We've been doing this for about six months now, and boy, has it changed our nighttime routine.  It's nice to come together in unity of mind and purpose and read and pray before we drift off.  It's a good reminder that we are on the same team!

There have been two books lately that have really made a huge impact on me- the first is "The Hospitality Commands" by Alexander Strauch, and the second is "The Prodigal God" by Timothy Keller.

The Hospitality Commands is wonderful because it gives the reader a nice kick-in-the-pants motivational talk about why hospitality is important, the scriptural backing to show God's opinion about it, and then some good get-started advice.  And, it's only about 60 pages long.  It took us about a week to read it through together (we took it slow- because it's that awesome...).  Here's an excerpt that I like:

"I don't think most Christians today understand how essential hospitality is to fanning the flames of love and strengthening the Christian family.  Hospitality fleshes out love in a uniquely personal and sacrificial way.  Through the ministry of hospitality, we share our most prized possessions.  We share our family, home, finances, food, privacy, and time.  Indeed, we share our very lives.  So, hospitality is always costly.  Through the ministry of hospitality, we provide friendship, acceptance, fellowship, refreshment, comfort, and love in one of the richest and deepest ways possible for humans to understand.  Unless we open the doors of our homes to one another, the reality of the local church as a close-knit family of loving brothers and sisters is only a theory."

Another excerpt from later in the book that I like:

"Truly every guest is an honored guest, a person of infinite value who will live forever.  My wife always says to our family, 'We should treat every guest as an angel of God or as our Lord Himself.  They are all important guests.'  So, it is as much a privilege to entertain God's people todayas it was for Abraham to entertain angels.  'The encouragement assigned,' says biblical expositor William Kelly, 'is that some, as Abraham and Lot of old, entertained angels unawares.  To receive God's children now is assuredly no less honour in his eyes.'"

I just love all of that book, but if I put anything else from it up, I will basically have typed out the whole book (it's not that long).  Reading it has inspired me to think more about the way I treat others, and the way that I use the gifts God has given.  I have felt encouraged to act on my desires to share my home with friends and loved ones, and I have been so, so blessed by God both in reading the book, and in following some of its advice.

The other book I mentioned is Timothy Keller's The Prodigal God. This is another book that I feel blessed to have read and shared with my husband.  We have had many good discussions based on our nightly reading from this book.  The only thing I wish was different about it is that I want it to keep going!  I felt my heart pricked many times by the Spirit while we were reading this book, and I have found new trust in God and freedom from some of my perfectionist tendencies.  The basic message of the book is about the parable of the prodigal son, and about the oft-forgotten elder brother from the parable.  Basically, we all struggle in our relationship with God by being either a rebellious younger-brother type, or by being the prideful older brother.  The older brother was no less separated from the father than the younger brother, he just displayed it differently.  Instead, he sought to control the outflow of blessings from God through good behavior, instead of just demanding it outright like the younger brother.  In both cases, their focus was on what the father would give them or do for them, and not on enjoying a loving relationship with him.  I feel my heart has been quickened and softened through the message in this book.

Here's an excerpt:
(starting on page 35)
"...the brothers' hearts, and the two ways of life they represent, are much more alike than they first appear.
   What did the younger son most want in life?  He chafed at having to partake of his family's assets under the father's supervision.  He wanted to make his own decisions and have unfettered control of his portion of the wealth.  How did he get that?  He did that with a bold power play, a flagrant defiance of community standards, a declaration of complete independence.
   What did the older son most want?  If we think about it we realize that he wanted the same thing as his brother.  He was just as resentfulof the father as was the younger son.  He, too, wanted the father's goods rather than the father himself.  However, while the younger brother went far away, the elder brother stayed close and 'never disobeyed'.  That is his way to get control.  His unspoken demand is, 'I have never disobeyed you! Now you have to do things in my life the way I want them to be done.'
...Do you realize, then, what Jesus is teaching?  Neither son loved the father for himself.  They both were using the father for their own self-centered ends rather than loving, enjoying, and serving him for his own sake.  This means that you can rebel against God and be alienated from him either by breaking his rules or by keeping all of them diligently.
   It's a shocking message:  Careful obedience to God's law may serve as a strategy for rebelling against God."

I would encourage everyone I know to read these books (if you haven't already...)!  They are wonderful! :)

Good Discipline

Gizmo got a whoopin' today for the first time in a long while.

Normally, she is our little irascible,rag-tag, touch-me-not grouch.  However, she has gotten into the bad habit of doing things that she knows are wrong as a way of getting our attention.  For example, clawing our feet or jumping up onto counters that she knows are off-limits.  Then, whenever we get onto her, she is belligerant about complying, and none the happier for the chastisement.

Today, I had enough.  Obviously, giving her love and attention whenever she was being sweet-natured have not been enough to nip this in the bud.  My philosophy has been to just redirect, and re-enforce the desired behavior.  But, this strategy has not been enough to foster an attitude of contentment in this one little kitty.  Sometimes we don't just need rewards for good behavior- we need swift and unambiguous correction when we err.

So, today when she was in the midst of her discontent, and expressed it by racing through the house and churlishly leaping up onto the wet bar, I fussed at her to get off.  Her reaction was not immediate. So, I grabbed her, and gave her two sharp taps on the rump while saying, "No!"

There was an immediate shift.  She actually seemed penitent. I told her she was a good kitty.  Then she sweetly cuddled up next to me and contentedly went to sleep.

I think that animals are much like us, in that they also find it hard to be happy whenever there are no clear boundaries.  We all need to know that we are loved enough to be disciplined.

Gizmo feeling sleepy...

Belated Open Letter to my Neice on her 18th Birthday

Dear E-,

I wanted to take a minute to write you a letter for your birthday, and let you know just how much you mean to me. You have grown into such an amazing, precious young woman, burgeoning at the threshold of your adult life. The future is full of possibility and wonder, especially for one as smart, talented, and unique as yourself.  I want to encourage you, and give you the heartfelt words that I wish I had heard at your age.

1. Have faith in yourself, but have even more in God.  He can forgive anything, and will.  He will aide you in your heart's desires, and He can bring anything about- even more than you can imagine.  Never doubt that He is holding you in the palm of His hand, lovingly cradled, protected and provided for.  He already knows and has made provision for every step of your journey through this life, and He will be working through all of this for your good.  Life might not always be pleasant, and there will be a lot of pain. Have faith that there is a purpose to everything.  You won't always get what you pray for, but God will always hear you and answer.  Unmet requests, even those delivered in heart-wrenching cries, are not really a "no" as some want to characterize it- they're more like an "I love you too much to give you that."  You might not understand why things are happening the way they are at the time, but hopefully you will come to appreciate hindsight greatly.

2.  Never give your power away to anyone else.  Never hang your happiness and success upon what someone else does or says.  When you make your happiness dependent upon what someone else thinks of you, you might win a battle or two, but you will lose the war, and a whole lot more.  You can choose to be happy, even if the world is falling apart around you.  That's not to say that others have no affect upon our feelings- it is possible to be hurt by others.  Your choice is how long the hurt will be your number one feeling. Also, it is important to honor your sadness when you have it. Invite it in for tea, and before long it will decide to be on its way again.  I want to commend you on your skill at feeling already.  I have to say that I greatly admire your access to your tears- mine are not so accessible to me, and I have had to expend a lot of effort in learning to let myself cry sometimes. What a blessing that you have such a sensitive heart!

3.  If you never ask, the answer will always be no.  If you do ask, you risk hearing the word no, but you also might just get what you want!  There are no iron-clad rules for how you must live your life. (Aside from the law of the land and Biblical morality)  Once you are out on your own, you get to decide how much time you spend playing, and how much time you spend working, and how clean your living space is.  Others will always have their opinions about how you "should" be conducting your life, but I've learned over the years that what others think of me really is not my business.  Let them think what they want; you get to make up your own mind.  If it's Godly, legal, and you like it, then go for it!

4. Be assured of your salvation.  Never underestimate the power of grace, and the fact that when God looks at you, He sees His love for you.  You are infinitely lovable, and 100% likable.  You are beautiful, talented, smart, and kind, and you have a million reasons to hold your head high.  It is necessary in this life to get really good at a few of your favorite skills, but don't stress about being perfect, or being the best.  At the end of life, it won't matter how much money you made or how famous you were- what will matter is how well you loved, and how much joy you experienced.  And, it will matter what you did with your talents.  A talent doesn't necessarily need to make you money or become a profession as much as it needs to be used to bless others and glorify God.

5. Focus on what you like about everything, and let go of the things you don't like.  Don't talk about the negative.  Accentuate the positive.  Expect nothing, and appreciate everything.  Gratitude is the name of the game if you want to have a happy life.

6. Always walk into relationships.  Unhealthy relationships are those begat by people running to or away from someone or something. Be confident in your ability to meet all of your needs yourself (with the strength imparted by God), so that when someone else comes into your life platonically or romantically they can be enjoyed and appreciated without the weight of expectations.

7. Do everything you can to stay out of debt.  Credit cards and the companies behind them will eat you alive if you let them.  If you feel you must have a credit card, pay the balance off immediately if you ever use it.  The best option is to use cash.  There's just something psychologically significant about feeling the dollars in your sweaty palms before you spend them.  Holding physical money before spending it makes letting go of it harder; you want it to be as hard as possible. If it's a good idea to buy something, then it will still be a good idea in a week.  Always wait at least two days before buying something that costs more than 10 dollars. Do your best to owe nothing to anyone but kindness and love. 

8. Keep a plant alive for at least 6 months before getting a pet, and especially before getting married.  The fantasy of having a pet or spouse is very different from the reality of having one. Cacti don't count, either (or any other kind of plant in the family of desert plants). Cats can learn to open doors of all kinds, so you have to make sure you're up to the task of caging Houdini before you enter into that bag of fun.

9.  Don't stress over being like anyone else in your walk with God.  Your faith is between you and God, and no one else.  Beware of those who act like they already have it all figured out- that just means that they walk closely with denial. It's okay to be wrong, and to make mistakes.  Being wrong and making mistakes are both great opportunities for growth.  Never, never, never, never explain yourself to anyone, unless they ask.  If they want to know, they'll ask.  If they don't ask, they won't hear you even if you do your best.  If they do ask, keep it short and simple.  "Because that's what I wanted to do" is sufficient in most cases.  Now that you are an adult, I reiterate that there are very few iron-clad rules about what you must do with your life, and as long as it's moral, legal, and you enjoy it, then more power to you to go for it!  I also must say that I admire you already for your strength of personality, and your ability to do what you like without explanation.  I like your confidence in yourself- well done!

I know that this open letter has been more didactic in nature than my other open letters to people.  Perhaps this is because you are still young, and in writing this to you I am also reminding myself of these things, and revisiting my hard-headed and stubborn 18-year-old self.  I hope that you find some of my thoughts helpful, and whatever you disagree with or know already you will set aside, and forgive me for redundancy.

I want you to know that you are an absolutely scrumptious young woman.  You are superb and delightful.  I love your thoughtfulness and feeling, and the way that you absorb what's going on around you like a sponge before adding your input.  You are beautiful, smart, and conscientious.  You are careful, deliberate, and absolutely precious. I love you so much, and I am so delighted with how intelligent, mature, and fantastic you are.  I love how you accept people for who they are, and for the confidence with which you face the world. I love your passion, and your artistic pursuits.  You have a beautiful heart and soul.  I truly loved your paintings you showed me the last time I was in your room.  You have a gift with the paintbrush. I love how creative and expressive you are with your writing and artwork.  Do everything you can to hold onto and nurture your talents.  Only you can speak the words in your mind, and express the feelings in your heart.  Your spirit is a priceless treasure.  I can only praise God for the blessing of putting you in this world as my wonderful neice. Before the beginning of time He knew who you are, and finely crafted you with your unique skills, abilities, and soul.  I will continue to pray for you, your life, and your future, and thank God for you.

I love you dearly, my E-.

Your loving Aunt

The Countdown

It is officially three days until the closing date on the new house!  WOO HOO! I felt like this day would never, ever get here!  I am so excited, and I have practically been counting down the hours.  I find thoughts along the lines of "It's already 10 am, so this day is over and doesn't count...." and such.  I still have quite a bit of packing to do though.  I have most of the items not necessary for daily living in storage, so at this point it's packing things up that I "need".  What can I say- my college degree is mostly in procrastination.

It's been awhile since I last blogged because I have had a lot on my plate to deal with, and I haven't been in such a happy frame of mind for most of it.  I have a goal of only blogging things that are positive, funny, helpful, or quirky, and nothing negative.  I feel that we are called to focus our minds on higher things.  That doesn't mean I am free from days (or weeks) of "Bah Humbug!" though.  My cats can attest there have been quite a few of those lately.  Thus, the lack of blog posts.

I'm feeling much better now though!  David and I have been so lucky and blessed to be surrounded by loving family members and our church family, and I have been delighting in spending time with them recently.  Tonight David is spending time with some of the younger men from church, and I am so thrilled for him- he has been so excited about it, and about developing deeper relationships with guy friends.

The silver lining in the midst of the pain recently has been the fact that I have fell the Spirit and presence of God more now than ever before.  David and I have been reading a few chapters in the Bible and in another book of our choice for the last few weeks, and we have drawn such strength and peace from it.  Last night we were particularly uplifted when our nightly Bible allotment fell on Isaiah 53-55: "For you shall go out with joy, and be led out with peace; the mountains and the hills shall break forth into singing before you, and all the trees of the hills shall clap their hands." (excerpt)

Family Boo-boos

A LOT has been going on the last couple of weeks.  It's not that I forgot about my blog, I just wasn't sure whether or not I was ready to talk about what's been happening. 

My lovely, precious Grandma B. has cancer.  It's too far spread to operate or treat, so they are just making her comfortable.  We don't know how much longer she has to live, but they did a biopsy yesterday, so we will be finding out soon.  I am very very sad about it, as is my wonderful husband.

Also, David's brother suffered a head injury a week ago, and they still don't know what happened.  He's doing better now, though.

No buyer has showed up yet to look at our house that we are trying to sell.  Boo.

The good things this week have been that I have returned to a normal diet now, so no more mushy foods.  I still haven't taken on anything like raw carrots though.  They scare me a little.

Also, Trinket has been very cuddly and playful.  She is such a silly, and she brightens up the day.

My little avocado tree is expressing its support by putting out new leaf shoots, and by having grown a couple more inches and added several leaves twice the size of the three it had two months ago.

Also, I have had several really great visits with family and friends, and have received much encouragement! I am so grateful for all the wonderful people in my life.

Gizmo is still a little crazy, but at least nowadays it seems to be a happy-crazy.

The best thing that is the most uplifting, though, is my God.  David and I have been staying faithful in reading a few chapters of the Bible together each night.  Last night we read 1 Peter 1 &2.  "In his great mercy He has given us new birth into a living hope.... In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials.  These have come so that your faith-- of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-- may be proven genuine and may result in praise, glory, and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."  Thank you, God, for giving us hope, and thank you for my trials, the fire which refines my faith.  Nothing could be better than being able to bring glory to God in my life.

I still feel so very sad.  I'm not ready to lose Grandma yet. But for now, I am okay with being sad.  It won't last forever, but our souls and salvation will.

*** Edited to add: Grandma Brown passed away not too long after I posted this originally.***

Update on the New House

It looks like the move-in date might be changed to June 11th.  The sellers are not thrilled about the idea of changing the closing date overall, and have flat-out refused the idea of leasing it to us for the month beforehand.  All of this because of that stupid 6500 dollars.  Boo.

I keep looking for the silver lining, and how all of this is in God's plan for my good.  At this point, I don't really have any solutions to that query, I'm just trusting that there is a blessing in all of this, despite my frustration.  And, I'm also choosing to tell myself that it could be worse. I could be not getting a new house at all. I could be getting a busted-up house that I had to spend thousands remodeling. But I'm not.  The house we are getting is used but in good condition, so I will have the blessing of being able the slowly work on it as we have the funds instead of having to basically rebuild it from the ground up before we can move in.  So, at least I have a lot to be thankful for.  And, as I learned on another lady's blog, I can also be thankful for the problem, and the character that it builds in me for things to not always go exactly as I would like for them to.

Teeth Update

I just realized that I hadn't posted since just before my surgery- that's what a Hydrocodone-induced haze will do for you, folks.  The surgery went well.  They sedated me, but kept me conscious.  They told me I wouldn't remember anything.  They lied. I remember it all.  I might not have been in control of all my mental faculties, but I remember everything, including rattling off statistics about the current real estate market to the polite dental assistant just after she stuffed my mouth chock-full of gauze pads.  Before she even more politely told me not to talk too much.

I even recall telling David on the way home that he owed me a puppy and that I needed to go eat some chips and salsa, since I wasn't strapped down and drugged anymore and they couldn't tell me what to do.  And "I like my life spicy!"

Once I got home I don't remember much, except that I suffered on the couch for awhile, afraid that I might go into a shock-induced coma if I fell asleep.  Then I finally decided a coma would be worth it and went to bed.

When I woke back up I was ravenous, so I had a tall glass of water and some vanilla yogurt.  It was like ambrosia. I hadn't had anything to eat or drink since 8:00 that morning, so I was beyond ready for a snack.  Plus, the water helped flush the awful taste from my mouth.  After the surgery, I had numbness on my entire head and scalp, except for my forehead.  By 8:00 that evening, most of the feeling had returned.  I was surprised and delighted because I had signed a form prior to the surgery saying that I was aware that there could be permanent nerve damage and loss of sensation in my cheeks and jaw, and that it could take up to 6 weeks for all the feeling to come back.  By the next morning, I had all the feeling in my face back, and at my check-up on Monday, they said that I was healing ahead of schedule.  Yay!

Mom and Dad came down Saturday and Sunday, and were a huge comfort.  There wasn't really anything I needed from them (though Mom washing all the dirty dishes was super helpful), but their presence was gratifying.  Sometimes when a person is under the weather they just need their mom.

Today I took my last dose of antibiotics.  And I have sworn off the majority of my use of narcotics after five days of use.  I had a scary moment this morning- I had gotten up to use the bathroom, and when I layed back down, I had this feeling of numbness over my whole body, and my extremities were falling asleep.  I felt for a pulse, and it was fast and shallow. I felt a few muscle jerks. I looked up the side effects of the pain meds online and noticed that my symptoms were along the lines of adverse reactions to the medication and symptoms of overdose. I decided to stay awake and drink a lot of water until I felt the medicine wear off a little.  I was really afraid that I would have to go to the emergency room or something.  After about thirty minutes I started feeling better, and I stayed awake until time for the next dose of medicine had passed.  I was surprised that I wasn't in much pain at all once the medicine started wearing off, and I don't think it's worth it to keep taking the Hydrocodone.  I would rather be a little sore than a little dead. I think I can manage the pain with Advil for now.

So, now that I have finished the antibiotics, I can finally get a full night's sleep instead of waking up every 6 hours for a dose of medicine.  You have no idea how happy I am about that.  And I am sure that David is happy about that as well since he has had to make sure that I woke up and took the medicine, just in case I slept through the alarm or something.

I have been so blessed the last few days to have such good support from my wonderful husband and friends from church.  David has been so good to me, and has obliged me with treats, foot rubs, back rubs, and drink services.  He has been a delightful supply of milk, juice, and water for me.  And he has had a great attitude about it all as well.  I am so grateful for him.  I'm also grateful for the prayers of our friends- I know God has been in charge of this whole process, and has allowed me to get through all of this with minimal discomfort and quick recovery.  And I'm also grateful for the food that some of our friends and family have brought over!

That's about everything as far as my whole tooth update.  On a different note, it is only one week from tomorrow until we move into our new house!  Woo hoo! Things are going well with that too.

The Fear of the Lord

I've been enjoying several books by Mary Pride recently, namely "The Way Home" and "Schoolproof", both of which are excellent.  David and I are actually reading "The Way Home" together, and it has been a great conversation piece and devotional topic each night before we go to sleep.

I was just reading Schoolproof, and I came across the part where she explains that the beginning of teaching your children to be lifelong learners is to teach them fear, or respect.  She quotes an idea from several verses in the Bible that say that fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom:

Proverbs 1:7
The reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord is the beginning and the principal and choice part of knowledge [its starting point and its essence]; but fools despise skillful and godly Wisdom, instruction, and discipline.


Proverbs 9:10
The reverent and worshipful fear of the Lord is the beginning (the chief and choice part) of Wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is insight and understanding.
 
This idea struck a chord within me.  Isn't it interesting when you can feel the Spirit of Truth work in your mind and heart and cause a familiar text to penetrate deeper than ever before, and "click"? 
 
For exactly one year I worked with kids in the projects as an after-school activities coordinator, and it was something I really struggled with.  I got very attached to those little ones, and even some of the big ones, too.  Something that used to strike me about them (and hurt my feelings at times...) was that they were completely unafraid of being disciplined.  It seemed to me like they didn't care whether or not they participated in the program, no matter how kind and loving I was or how good the food and candy was. 
 
So, I had an epiphany whilst reading the book.  To the same degree that those children were unafraid of discipline, they were unwilling to exert themselves.  Their level of investment emotionally was the same level of perseverance they had in times of low benefits.  This is the reason why many or most of them will not escape the poverty cycle-- they are unwilling to persevere when the going gets tough.  Unfortunately, most of them will remain on welfare, sell drugs, sell themselves, go to jail, and so on. 
 
So, another part of the epiphany was that beating your children (or spanking them, whatever you want to call it) is not necessarily the way to instill "fear" in them, of yourself, the Lord, or anyone else.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I do believe that there are appropriate times to spank-- I just don't believe in it being the first and only method of discipline.  But I'm also not a mom yet, either.  One day I may eat my words.
 
If there was one thing that the kids in the projects had an unending supply of, it was beatings.  The really bad kind.  Like, "my momma's gonna pound my head into the pavement" kind.  And yet they never seemed afraid of anything.  Especially anyone in a position of authority.
 
This leads me to believe that the fear we are to instill in our children is not based solely on the idea that very bad things will happen to me if I disobey.  I think there is another huge key component, and that is the desire to please.  And the desire to please comes from the relationship you have, first with your parents, then with God.  The problem that the kids in the projects (at least the ones I worked with) had was that they had very very little positive interaction with their parents.  They had very unstable and violent homelives.  There was no certainty or warm haven in the home environment.  They had no feelings of love and security in their relationships with their parents, especially not their fathers.  I believe that a child has to have an experience of feeling esteemed by his/her father in order to build the proper fear of authority.  Knowing that it is possible to please our parents, and enjoying the warm fuzzies when we do, causes us to fear their displeasure. 
 
We shrink from the idea of losing the joy and security of the relationship, as well as the consequences of our bad behavior-- that is the real fear of the Lord. Valuing the relationship with God, maintaining a worshipful, reverential fear of Him, is truly the beginning of knowledge.

My Happy Place

Tonight I am alone.  It is not my alone-ness that inspired the title of this entry, though.  I think that the reason that the alone-ness has not eaten me alive into its large, black, gaping maw is because of the title of this entry.  I have found a happy place.  I have discovered a path of contentment and joy.  I feel that I am living with purpose, led and loved by my God.  I have been doing some good reading over the last couple of months, and have discovered that there is no bittersweet, fatal flaw in the core of my being, separating and isolating me from the rest of humanity. 

I have discovered that it is okay feel icky and gross sometimes, and that those feelings will pass if I let them- it denies my little girl self no honor to let the sadness go. I used to feel that I had to wallow in my misery, and keep it close to my heart in order to give myself a being-ness.  When I was little, sadness was not okay.  Crying was shameful.  I felt that in order to give myself a voice as an adult, I needed to be bitter, cynical, and utterly sad.  I felt I had to spend the rest of my life living a tribute to the "me" that wasn't allowed to "be" when I was growing up.  I felt the need to rehash, and recite the sadness everyday, going over a mental checklist of all the reasons why I was not alright, and why I would never be truly loveable or acceptable.

I have found that to wallow intensifies and extends the misery. It just becomes a cycle.

I have learned things recently that seem to be a given due to common sense and basic Biblical teaching, yet altogether new once learned in the heart.  I have learned to count my blessings every day. Gratitude is a surefire solution to misery. I list all the good things in my life more than once a day sometimes. 

I have learned to respect my husband. I know that seems weird, like "duh....", but it is something to look into if you've never spent anytime pondering it.  I have noticed that my old definition of respect for my husband really wasn't all that respectful, and was downright destructive at times.  Have you ever considered the actual dictionary definition of the word respect? (I highlighted the things that stood out to me)

RESPECT (from dictionary.reference.com)
1. regard, feature, matter. 2. regard, connection. 3. estimation, reverence, homage, honor. Respect, esteem, veneration imply recognition of personal qualities by approbation, deference, and more or less affection. Respect is commonly the result of admiration and approbation, together with deference: to feel respect for a great scholar. Esteem is deference combined with admiration and often with affection: to hold a friend in great esteem. Veneration is an almost religious attitude of deep respect, reverence, and love, such as we feel for persons or things of outstanding superiority, endeared by long association: veneration for one's grandparents, for noble traditions. 7. bias, preference. 9. revere, venerate, consider, admire. 10. heed.

How many examples on TV are there of a wife expressing admiration for who her husband is, as a person?  How many times are TV husbands treated with deference and regard, like a person of "outstanding superiority"?  Not that we need to treat our husband as if he is inherently worth more than us- that is not what it means, at least not to me.  It means superiority as in a precious stone, compared to normal rock.  A big change that has brought me much happiness in my life as of late is making the switch from critique to praise with my wonderful husband David.  I stopped looking for what he was doing wrong, and began looking for what he was doing right.  I made sure that even if I hadn't said so once or twice (or a few times) during the day, that every night before we went to sleep at night I have told him at least one thing that I like about him as a person or about something he did that day.  Such as, "Wonderful husband, I really appreciate your work on the lawn today.  I feel so loved when you work so hard to take care of our home."  Or it could be as simple as "Thanks for bringing me a glass of ice water earlier.  You're a great guy!"  He has really blossomed in light of my admiration, and the fact that I notice and compliment his efforts has brought its own rewards as well.

A book that really helped drive the point home for me was "Love and Respect" by Emerson Eggerichs. Here.

If you want a good example of living with grace, the most uplifting blog I could reccommend would be Jaynee Lockwood's blog: http://www.lockwoodfamilytomexico.com/

Also, just a generally delightful place to go for practical tips and inspiration (and my first follower, hooray!)

Okay, I know that this has been a really long post, but I wanted to return to my original premise for posting.  I am alone tonight. My sweet husband has gone on a men's retreat this weekend with some of the men from church, and so he is out being inspired and encouraged whilst I twiddle my thumbs at home..... Oh the drama!  Actually, that is not true-- God saw my need, and provided a lovely and truly wonderful opportunity for friendship tonight.  One of the women from church who was also alone for a short period while her husband and sons were out of the house asked me if I wanted to go out for dinner, and I delightedly agreed.  I couldn't have been more blessed by our time together! 

Also, as a last note before I stop my ramblings for tonight, please forgive me if I over-used the words "wonderful", "Inspiring", or any other adjectives.  I get a little carried away! :P

Life Lessons from a Newbie

Ok, so I know I'm not that old, and I haven't been married all that long.  As a matter of fact, it has only been about 4.55 years since David and I tied the knot.  I am still relatively new in this field of life compared to many others.  Ok, most others.  But I have learned a few small things, and I have it on my heart today to share some of those things with you.

The Best Lessons I've Learned So Far

1. Never say anything critical to or about another person.
       This is one of the hardest things I have ever undertaken, and I still fail in this pursuit daily, sometimes even hourly, or even "minute-ly".  I have come to the conclusion that there is no such thing as constructive criticism.  And also, let me just say that there is a difference between confronting sin, and being critical. There is also a difference between parental guidance and criticism.  When I say criticism, what I am talking about is the (oftentimes mean-spirited) nit-picking, as in "Well this painting would have been great if they had used pink instead of purple on this little 1-inch-squared section right here."  Criticism, from what I have observed, often comes from a spirit of "it's only done right if it's done my way", otherwise known as pride.  Criticism is deadly in any relationship, but especially in the marital relationship. According to my understanding, relationships flourish with encouragement and peace. If you hear yourself starting to critique another, and you want to stop, just ask yourself, "What's something I like about them?" Also, if there is something that another person is doing that is hurtful to you, there is nothing wrong, critical, condemning, or devisive about saying, "Would you be please _______?" My example: Would you please put your drink on a coaster? (Heh, I'm usually the one who this request would addressed to....)  Here's a couple relevant verses:

Ephesians 4:31
Do not be bitter or angry or mad. Never shout angrily or say things to hurt others. Never do anything evil. (NCV)

Titus 3:1-2
REMIND PEOPLE to be submissive to [their] magistrates and authorities, to be obedient, to be prepared and willing to do any upright and honorable work, to slander or abuse or speak evil of no one, to avoid being contentious, to be forbearing (yielding, gentle, and conciliatory), and to show unqualified courtesy toward everybody. (AMP)

James 3:17-18
Real wisdom, God's wisdom, begins with a holy life and is characterized by getting along with others. It is gentle and reasonable, overflowing with mercy and blessings, not hot one day and cold the next, not two-faced. You can develop a healthy, robust community that lives right with God and enjoy its results only if you do the hard work of getting along with each other, treating each other with dignity and honor. (The Message)
2.  Accept others where they are, and continually look for what is admirable and praiseworthy about them.
    It's easy to get caught in the cycle of "if they would only.....". Do your best to stay away from that train of thought.  It leads to an abyss of misery.  A person is never going to change based on your opinions or suggestions. This path will only lead to your own frustration. "Never try to keep a pig clean- it wastes your time and annoys the pig" (source unknown). More can be accomplished in the attempt to help another by inspiring them with honest praise and exhortations than can be guilted or brow-beaten out of them. Plus, you and everyone else will feel much better afterwards for the experience if it is a positive one.

Some verses:

1 Corinthians 13:3-7
7If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
 
Ephesians 4:29
Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.
(Both quoted from The Message)
 
3.  I cannot control another person into changing what they believe or who they are.
       Change comes from a place of brokenness, and only God can bring them there. Criticizing and arguing with a person will not bring them to that place.  In the case of salvation of another person, the only thing that we as believers can do is to plant the seed by telling them about Jesus and directing them toward the Bible, praying for it to take root in their hearts, and then loving them through the process.  Loving them means giving them a soft place to fall and leading by example.  There is nothing I can do to "get someone to help me help them."  The seed of truth will take root if the ground is fertile, and the only one who can do the work to fertilize it is the Holy Spirit.
    This is one of those things that I have had a supreme struggle with.  A lot of times I can look at another person's life, and it's easy to see what it is that they are doing to hurt themselves.  It is so easy to know where another person is making mistakes, and so tempting to think, "If I can just explain it right, or shout it loud enough, then they will see what they are doing, and change it." Oh, if only it was that easy. However, that approach never works.  Almost always, that way of dealing with someone just ends up damaging the relationship- they feel judged, and I feel frustrated.  Plus, pointing out to others their mistakes causes them to go on the defensive.  When people start defending themselves, it just makes the problem worse because then they feel they must prove they are right, and the problematic behavior becomes more deeply entrenched.
     It all comes back to the same basic principle of letting peace rule in our relationships. We do this by encouraging and nurturing the good things we see in ourselves and others, and leaving the rest to God to sort out.
 
Proverbs 3:12
For whom the Lord loves He corrects, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.
 
Proverbs 16:6
By mercy and love, truth and fidelity [to God and man--not by sacrificial offerings], iniquity is purged out of the heart, and by the reverent, worshipful fear of the Lord men depart from and avoid evil.
 
 
Drop me a note and tell me your thoughts!  :)