History Class Contraband

Okay, I almost had a heart attack today. I haven't been in trouble in class since I was a junior in high school and the teacher caught me slack-jawed, eyes shut, sitting-straight-up snoozing with drool about to roll out the side of my mouth and a snore gathering intensity at the back of my throat whilst the rest of my oh-so-happy classmates were dredging their way through some play by some Latin sounding playwrite. I was the source of a screaming tirade about how I looked like I was in pain, how teenagers don't sleep enough at night, and eventually how all teenage girls dress like prostitutes- the favorite topic of tirades from the wonderful Mrs. Stone.

Anyway, I got in trouble today. Today was test day in my History class, and when I walked in, my usually laid-back teacher was glaring like a snapping turtle, and the students carried an air of gloom like war hostages. I came in the room and my teacher snarled "Bookbags at the front, nothing on your desk, speak to no one, and if I better not Hear ANy CELLPHONES!!! That Is RUDE!!!" Ya, mein dictator.

So, when I got to my desk, I turned my cell phone off. I didn't think anyone would call me, but I wanted to be on the safe side (In case Trinket grew tired of meerly pounding the door with her paws, moaning and crying like the demon-possessed, and pounding her head against the door, and decided to try calling my cell phone to get me to let her out. I'm not crazy- stranger things have happened. I saw a cat on America's Funniest Home Videos say "Oh Long Johnson!") So, anyway, my cell phone likes to sing to me when I turn it off. I tried to cover the sound. Wasn't successful. Once the song ended, as I was swallowing my tongue in fear, my teacher lit up with rage, and began the search like a bloodhound on a scent- "Who's CEll PHONE was that?! Who?!?" I exclaimed in a panicked agony "No- I was turning it off!!" "(In the wicked witch of the west shriek) What's Your Name?!" "Cristy Brown.... I turned it off.... You said to turn them off! (Quaking with fear)" She began to mutter something and went back to her desk. Strike two against me. I believe I am now the face of evil to her- I was 3 minutes late, AND I had a CELL PHONE!!!! I tried not to hyperventilate when I noticed that all of the studying I had done yesterday and today had been terrorized out of my mind. I tried not to hyperventilate. Don't faint don't faint don't faint... because if you do this is one teacher who definitely wouldn't revive you....

I think I did okay on the test. I am guessing I made somewhere between a 70 and 80. This all seems like a surreal nightmare. I feel like David is about to shake me awake for the fourth time and then I will squintingly stumble down the hall, use the restroom, and get dressed. Oh for the squinting stumble!!

Actually, I am feeling pretty chipper right now. I have calmed down significantly now that I'm not under the baleful glare of my History teacher. I wonder if she still chats conversationally about what a weasel JP Morgan was when she's drunk....