And... Still Nothing.

Tomorrow is our due date, and still very little sign that this baby is ready to come out. We had our 40-week appointment today. Things are *sort of* progressing- I'm finally a tiny bit dilated and 90% effaced. I still have the feeling, though, that this little guy is just really comfortable and not quite ready to consider departure.

I've been having some bad acid reflux this evening, and a queasy day. For the last week and a half I've had a voracious appetite, where I felt like I just couldn't get enough to eat and my stomach would growl within 30 minutes of eating something. Today I haven't really felt like eating anything. David took me out after the doctor appointment to walk around the mall and have lunch, and I was sad because nothing sounded appealing. We got two of our very favorite things- fries from Chik-fil-A and a chicken salad croissant from La Madeleine- and I still only managed about 4 bites of each thing. (Plus, hooray for pay-day! It was nice to be able to *afford* for me to not eat our favorite things....)

While we were at La Madeleine, I was sitting at a little table waiting for David to order the food, and an elderly man walked up and wanted to know if he could join me. Weird, and interesting. I said "Sure", so he had a seat. His name is Bruce, and talking to him was a very interesting experience. He talked almost non-stop for about an hour to David and I. He mostly talked about how he was a "psychic" (not in the money-making way, though- just in the quirky way) and about his wife who had passed away a couple years ago. He was saying that he lived not far from the mall in a senior home, and because of the storm last night he had no power in his apartment to cook breakfast. Plus, he hadn't been out of the apartment since Sunday. I was pretty sad for him, and glad that we could give him some company for a while. He kind of reminded me of a slightly crazier version of my own dad- and if my dad was feeling lonely (and I couldn't be there for him) I would hope someone would spend time listening to his stories about picking out dishes with his wife and all.

Going to the mall also reminds me of my mom. It was one of my favorite places to take her in the last couple years of her life, and it seemed to make her day when we would go. She LOVED shopping, and she would usually say something along the lines of "Well thanks for bringing me. This is one of the few times I've gotten to leave the house lately." (Which was totally untrue by the way- I have never known anyone with more plans involving being out of the house as much as possible as my mother....) Northpark Mall in particular was a place I took her a few times- especially when my niece Shayce was a baby and my mom watched her every day. It's a very baby-friendly mall. One time we went and took Shayce to lunch at the mall. Mom wasn't sure what to get Shayce for lunch, so I got her a little bag of garlic bread bites with marinara sauce for dipping from the Italian place in the food court. We sat and nibbled at our own food, but mostly just watched Shayce and her love of "dipping"- she would dip her bread in the sauce, and then just lick the sauce off and repeat. I think Shayce was only a little over a year old then. It was a really fun day together. Both Shayce and Grammy were pretty much guaranteed to have a happy time if we were at the mall.

Happy Anniversary

to my parents! I've been thinking about my Mom a lot lately. Time has not made things much easier.

You Give and Take Away

The song on my mind this morning:
Blessed be the name of the Lord,
Blessed the name.
Blessed be His glorious name.
Every blessing you pour out I turn back to praise.
When the darkness closes in, Lord,
Still I will say, "Blessed be the name of the Lord!"
You give and take away.
My heart will choose to say, "Lord, blessed be your name."

It's been almost a week since my mother passed away. I am finally able to compose some semblance of coherent thought about it today. I can't believe it. I still have it running through my mind, "Just don't think about, just don't think about it. If I don't think about it, it didn't happen...."

However, over the course of the week I have had little glimpses from the Spirit of blessings that God sprinkled out on us during our last little bit of time with her. I took her with me to my 10-week sonogram. She was so, so excited, and said at the time that this was major to her-- it was the first time for her to get to see a sonogram in person. She never had one herself, so had never been in the room and seen it/ experienced it being done. She was also so thrilled about having another little grandbaby! She told almost everyone we came across. And during the sonogram, the baby put on quite a show for his/her Grammy! He jumped around and kicked his little legs quite a bit, and sucked on his thumb the whole time. Mom thought that was really cute.

Another big blessing of that day was that we accidentally showed up 2 hours early. We had planned that day to take her out to lunch with us, and then go to the hospital and be on time. Mom was never on time, so we planned on giving ourselves a full 2 hours to eat lunch and then get to the appointment. The original appointment time was at 3pm. So, in our plans that turned into "Pick Mom up at 1pm". Then the day before, when we were talking about it, we forgot that we had already scheduled extra time into our plans, so we thought, "The appointment is at 1, we'll pick her up at 11am".

Well, regardless of the way the snafoo came about, it was a major blessing. We took Mom to eat at Cafe Max- she had never been there before, and she LOVED it. She also loved getting to try new things, which made it doubly good. We got to the doctor at 1, and discovered our error, but it wasn't a problem because she got to go shopping at the 2 boutiques on the first level of the hospital. And, one of them had a SALE! She had a great time, and bought a couple of family members some Christmas gifts.

I'm not sure that I'm ready to really discuss everything that has been happening lately, but I take great comfort in knowing how much she enjoyed her last weeks on this earth. She spent a lot of time with her "little Kylie" (my brother's 4-year-old), and made a fantastic costume for my 7-year-old neice Shayce. She spent time with my dad, and they came over to my house together several times recently. I've been having some struggles with being pregnant, and she was always wanting to bring something by that she thought might sound good to me, or something she had found on sale for the baby. I had to have an at-home fluid IV two weeks ago, and she and Dad came over and stayed with me during the day while David was at work, just in case someone came to the door or I needed something that would be awkward for me to get myself while dealing with an IV pole. They brought whoppers from Burger King for lunch, and jalapeno poppers from Weinerschnitzel- healthy eating wasn't really on the agenda, I guess (lol). She also brought me grapes several times in the last month- I've been craving them. She enjoyed being able to take care of me, and loved shopping, so it seemed like my pregnancy cravings were one of her favorite reasons to do both :). She was also starting to plan and think about my oldest sister's birthday party. She loved to plan parties. This year, her idea was to have a surprise party at my sister's house- she was like, "I'll just tell Neal, and we can all just show up at her house that night! She'll be really surprised!" I told her at the time that I wasn't sure that all of us showing up unannounced to make a mess and then leave would be what my sister wanted on her birthday, but my opinion did not deter her in the slightest- she just decided to plan it with one of my other siblings instead of me... Lol.